For me, mostly pot, but also prescription drugs to get to sleep, to try and focus, etc. I did adderall for a while, ritalin, modafinil, microdosed with LSD, I did neurofeedback training.
And I ate out like crazy.
I mean, I might be able to handle a dev job now. I had some health issues going on before that job, and my housing situation was unstable, so I never really had a moment when I was just waking up, going to work, coming home, and being alone.
Now Im doing a job that’s so relatively easy (and hourly meaning I can just turn it off when I come home) that even living with a roommate and rarely getting that alone time, Im okay.
I forgot I also would get a hotel room or airbnb occasionally just to have alone time, I did bodywork and float sessions. I spent a lot of money managing my brittle brain.
Actually my intention is to go back to something like that. But the goal was to first learn to manage money, before I got the big salary again. Because I learned that I can earn six figures and still be paycheck to paycheck, so it’s pointless for me to take on all that stress if at the end of two years I’m still gonna be broke due to bad financial habits.
However, more fundamental than financial habits was self care habits. When moment to moment consciousness is comfortable, you don’t need much to be happy.
So for that, the men’s group is a really big factor. AND doing a job so far within my sphere of competence that I have no question of being able to perform.
What a crazy life. I don’t think you have a fragile mind, I think you had a series of impossible goals and incredible pressure to achieve them all. Together with some questionable to bad coping mechanisms, you were on a dark path. I’m so glad you’re on a better path, with goals for the future and a better grasp of what is important in life.
I think your experience that your finances are better on $45k than $110k is quite mysterious and could do with some further elucidation
Like I said I have cognitive surplus. I don’t have to mainline takeout, drugs, and impulse purchases to feel safe.
Drugs like prescription and over the counter stuff to deal with burnout, or drugs like street variety, risk your life to forget your troubles drugs?
Yeah, these three categories explain the difference to me. Good for you, getting your life in order and starting to budget/manage money!
For me, mostly pot, but also prescription drugs to get to sleep, to try and focus, etc. I did adderall for a while, ritalin, modafinil, microdosed with LSD, I did neurofeedback training.
And I ate out like crazy.
I mean, I might be able to handle a dev job now. I had some health issues going on before that job, and my housing situation was unstable, so I never really had a moment when I was just waking up, going to work, coming home, and being alone.
Now Im doing a job that’s so relatively easy (and hourly meaning I can just turn it off when I come home) that even living with a roommate and rarely getting that alone time, Im okay.
I forgot I also would get a hotel room or airbnb occasionally just to have alone time, I did bodywork and float sessions. I spent a lot of money managing my brittle brain.
Actually my intention is to go back to something like that. But the goal was to first learn to manage money, before I got the big salary again. Because I learned that I can earn six figures and still be paycheck to paycheck, so it’s pointless for me to take on all that stress if at the end of two years I’m still gonna be broke due to bad financial habits.
However, more fundamental than financial habits was self care habits. When moment to moment consciousness is comfortable, you don’t need much to be happy.
So for that, the men’s group is a really big factor. AND doing a job so far within my sphere of competence that I have no question of being able to perform.
What a crazy life. I don’t think you have a fragile mind, I think you had a series of impossible goals and incredible pressure to achieve them all. Together with some questionable to bad coping mechanisms, you were on a dark path. I’m so glad you’re on a better path, with goals for the future and a better grasp of what is important in life.