A horse? Seriously? No way can this guy win against a horse. Have you seen horses? They’re huge.
Fast too! And have you counted the legs?? DOUBLE the number, I shit you not!
Thank you for not shitting me, that sounds more unpleasant than fighting a horse…
Idunno, some people pay good money for that sort of thing 🤷
Fighting horses right?
That too.
No arms though.
When people say stuff like this, I assume they never lived much outside of cities, and never had much contact with animals, besides pets. Seriously, a horse? Even smaller animals can be a challenge. Most animals are stronger and/or faster than us, and have fangs, claws, etc.
I mean I or you certainly couldn’t get it in PvP. But if you can scare it enough so it starts to run, a human (of old times) would win.
If you have trail finding/following skills, you can literally chase it to exhaustion. Humans have one of the best stamina in the animal kingdom. We used to chase animals until they just couldn’t move further. Apart from hunting in groups, that was our thing.
Stamina and intelligence, our standing out traits in nature.
Don’t forget throwing. Human wrists are so agile and delicate because they need to be for us to throw things as well as we can.
deleted by creator
But if can’t put up a good fight, I’d feel too guilty to hurt it. For me it’s gotta be something I have a good chance against but that isn’t just utterly defenseless lol
A horse is just an intense will to die on four legs. You can defeat a horse by feeding it after it runs around for a little while.
But it has 3 more! You’ve just made a temporary tripod angry and it kicks with one whole horsepower.
Just to further unbalance things, the Internet tells me that the maximum output of a horse is actually 15 horsepower! So by my math that means there are 59 legs still standing?
Who tf decided to call it horsepower? Obviously they had no idea how strong a horse is. Smh
It’s the average output of a horse, not their peak output.
Correction, he has 4 more legs.
Prep time. I choose to use that prep time to install a cattlegrate. I am now basically guaranteed the win.
Or, i bring along poisoned grain and something to hide in/out of the horses reach.
Ponies are horses too.
Yeah but they also have powerful magic
Friendship magic, by far the most powerful kind.
Maybe a miniature pony I could take. Pretty sure I could put one down in a rear naked choke hold. There’s not a danged thing I could do against a horse that wants to fight me in unarmed combat.
Yeah but if you have prep time, you can make a massive spear and thrower (I forget what those are called), an able bodied man could probably take a horse with one of those.
Do you mean atlatl?
Yes, exactly
I don’t know anyone (who is not already a professional in this) who could make a spear in an hour. Best most would do was to get a couple of injuries while trying to make a spear.
There was no time limit set, with an hour, yeah, no chance unless you do this regularly.
Javelin?
With enough prep time, you can purchase a shotgun. More than half a pound of lead pellets will bring a horse down if it’s delivered at the typical velocity.
That relies on somebody elses prep time, so, I don’t think that would count.
What the fuck is a horse going to do with prep time? That being said, I am not confident in a 1v1 against an animal with more muscles than myself, even if incrediblely fragile.
Pink fairy armadillo, on the other hand, would be absolutely obliterated by me in unarmed combat.
It will spy on your preparation. Make a plan. Make at least 7 alternative plans, each with contingencies for all your preparation. That’s the horses advantage - bigger head means more space to store plans.
Of course it might get spooked by a leaf and fucking die for no reason. You never know. You can’t know. That’s what makes them so dangerous. To you, and to themselves.
I wish to subscribe to your zoology podcast 😂
Well, which animal would you like to hear about first?
Idunno, aardvarks? Other than their weird name and appearance, I don’t know much about them, but I bet they’re fascinating!
I don’t know a lot about fantasy animals, but I can tell you that if you run into a group of five or more aardvarks at night, don’t turn around. In the best case they’ll mug you, worst case you’ll become one of them. Lost my grandpa that way.
Aside from that they are probably based on kangaroos. You know how medieval painters were terrible at drawing lions? Modern physicists believe that two (or more) gods got really drunk, and one didn’t want to admit to the other that they don’t know what roos look like. It was probably really awkward.
Wait. That son of a bitch…
You know? I also quite enjoy your podcast. What can you tell me about kiwis
Thank you, thank you!
To start off, I am legally obligated to tell you that I’m not an expert in fruits, but I’ll gladly try my best. Kiwis generally come in two variants, red and green - both very different in flavor and mouthfeel. Sadly there is no way to know which one you have until your first bite (since the outside coloration is the same), but that’s part of the fun!
Both kinds of kiwis hunt in packs, but never intermingled. Green ones are more aerodynamic, which is why production of the red ones has been slowly phased out. Some people theorize that when God first created the world and humans, Adam actually had three balls. This put him at a great advantage compared to Eve, who only had two, so God made the third one fall off. This was the birth of the first kiwi!
My prep would be to meet in a field of gopher holes. And hope for the best.
That’s it. That’s my plan. Which is to say, no plan at all.
Decoy armadillo
Warm up the old 5th leg so it can Mr. Hands you to death.
I feel like prep time gives the human the advantage, prep is basically our whole thing and you can make a lot of sharpened sticks in an hour.
I’ve been around a few horses. If the horse knows you’re coming for it, it can and will make you regret it.
I dunno, if you can sharpen a few sticks and are able to throw well the horse stands little chance.
I can almost guarantee you are not trained to throw a spear hard enough to stop an angry, motivated horse.
And definitely not a sharpened stick with no weight at the front.
I mean, to be fair, boar are hunted with spears, knights used Lances, and pike blocks were the end all be all counter to cavalry for thousands of years, specifically because sharp sticks are really good at killing things in a head on collision situation. Horse kinda doesn’t stand a chance if you bring a proper stick tbh lol
All of the things in the first sentence are true, yet I am still confident that the horse wins unless you are a knight WITH a lance or a boar hunter. I’ll even give you might get lucky and inflict a mortal wound, but that horse is still gonna kill you. I’ll also point out that the knight with the lance has his own horse, otherwise that won’t work either.
In any case the assertion that was made by the other comment was that you could stay out of the horse’s range and throw the spear which, no, you could not. Setting a spear, which I think is what you’re suggesting, might work, but you still need to make a spear long enough and strong enough to beat the horse’s range, and you have to successfully keep it between you and the horse, and even if you did all those things a lucky hoof blow could break your carved stick. Mostly, you die from a flailing hoof in this scenario.
I’m by no means saying this is a definitive win. Just that setting a spear (I perhaps should have mentioned this in the previous comment) is a historically proven method of countering a charge. You might still die but I think with a proper spear odds might actually be in your favor if only slightly
In this very skilly hyper specific scenario where you are tasked with fighting a horse to the death, but with the stipulation that you are given prep time, I believe you could find and properly whittle a passable enough stick to function as a rudamdntary spear for the purpose of bracing against a charge, and that’s assuming you don’t have some particularly sharp metal/rocks on hand with some basic lashing materials. If the horse pulls up and tries to canter around the set spear you could hoist it up and now you have range. If it pulls back for another charge? Set it again. You don’t have to thrust with it, just hold it point out and wait for the horse to either impale itself or get tired. That’s how boar hunts work after all.
Like yeah I don’t like your odds lmao but its not nearly as doomed as you might think imo
Yeah, that’s the more difficult part.
Well, unless the preparation time includes a few months of training, then you could probably throw spears somewhat well.
“On that day, mankind received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of the horses, and were disgraced to live in these cages we called walls. But then we make sharp stick.”
Like fr what’s a horse gonna do with prep time?
Eat alfalfa. Jump the fence and be 10 miles away from where you expect it to be. You’ll never find it before you have to sleep, and that’s when it’ll get ya.
deleted by creator
Make decoy horses
Ok Odysseus
Get their armor
Make friends with a bunch of horse girls, and then make sure they bring guns to the fight
Contact the snail to radio in your position
Camouflage itself, horses are masters of disguise. You’ll never see it coming.
Prep time isn’t an advantage if you procrastinate!
Right? What’s the horse going to do with its prep time? Eat some hay and fart a lot, that’s what.
Note, they are actually much larger than the average silicon version of it. The largest I could find was 43 cm long, which is OK to take. But normally, they’re ~1 m when e… oh wait, you mean “take” as in “win against”, nvm.
I actually made a weird ass squeek laugh sound passing that 43cm mark…it was a response of recognition xD
I used to work with horses. They may be larger than the average silicon version, but if you can find it, there once was a picture of a yellow gel one (Thor Jr., I think) with a forearm and fist right next to it to compare it to, and that one should have been placed next to a real one.
Not sure who these foolishly brave Americans are who think they can beat an elephant and a grizzly bear bare handed.
Or even a kangaroo, those things can be scary af. Forget about anything bigger.
I think your best bet fighting a Kangaroo would be to work it from the sides, Kangaroos can’t jump backwards and usually punch or grapple and kick forwards. If you consider it like a southpaw fighting an orthodox boxer, they would have their lead foot on the outside of the orthodox fighters, making the orthodox constantly having to turn towards them while they work from the side and continue pivoting keeping an advantage on their opponent.
I’ve seen videos of men winning fights against kangaroos on YouTube.
Maybe a grizzly bear when you poke him in the eye just right? But an elephant… You’ve got nothing
By the time you poke his eyes, the grizzly poke your stomach out of your belly
I really want to know what they think they’d be doing to the eagle.
Birds have fragile bones. They’re going to fuck you up, but victory is certain.
Yeah, even one of the largest eagles, the harpy, tops out at around 22 pounds. You could get all your weight on top of it and eventually smother it.
The amount of people who don’t think they can beat a rat is concerning
Rats are fast though. Would depend, do I get time to set traps? Bait? Do I get a net or other weapons.
You drop a normal guy in an area with a rat, , with no tools, weapons etc. you’d see him chase the fucker around for an hour before he gives up.
It says “if you are unarmed” so for sure no baits or traps. I’m assuming that it also doesn’t consider the possibility of the rat running away.
You’re in a circular, smooth arena with a rat. That’s it.
Welcome to the cheesedome!
Yeah, and it’s even higher than it appears at first cause the scale only goes up to 80%. So >30% of responders don’t think they can beat a rat in a fight.
I’m glad to see that Americans are deadlier than our cousins across the pond, or at least more foolishly optimistic.
Geese have a reputation, but i know for a fact if you actually fight back there’s not much they could really do.
Just wanted to let you y’all know how tough i am…
Let me try, let me try:
Lemmings, would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?
The tiny 1ft -ish extinct Dawn-Horse was a real thing. PBS documentary modeled it as skittish, jumpy, fast, tough enough to drag and push logs. Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates.
🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎1 horse-sized duck, male, that’s in the mood… Ever witness firemen tackle a charged firehose that broke loose and is whipping around… amorously. Now put a Clydesdale at the end of that. You may be chance lucky enough to distract it with bread, but can really only fight it from space.
🦆
Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates. 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
Taking notes here for some… new projects.
Obviously the duck-sized horses, that’s not even a fight. What amounts to pretty much a t-rex, on the other hand…
Nah, ducks have hollow bones, making them pretty crap in physical combat against creatures that don’t. As long as you can avoid the beak, you should be fine.
Duck-sized horses, on the other hand, would still be faster and stronger than humans even if it’s scaled 1:1 relative to horse size vs duck size and there’s a hundred of them! You’d be swarmed in no time!
But they would still have instinctual skittishness, and they just got exponentially smaller then the thing they are facing.
Nah, they would be out for blood in this scenario, otherwise the premise of fighting them wouldn’t make any sense. The bigger problem for the tiny horses is their inability to reach the upper parts of your body. Sure, they probably have a mean bite, but because of their size and the shape of their teeth they most likely won’t be able to enclose your leg. A horse bite crushes, so keep your fingers away and you are most likely fine.
They also have hooves, so no scratching and climbing. Horses hooves are dangerous because they have a massive horse behind it when it comes flying towards you. Take that away and they could be baby fist for all you should care.
If you look at their jumping capabilities, yea they ar impressive for an animal of their size, but once you are 30cm tall it’s much less impressive to jump as high as you are tall (and horses really don’t jump all that high, most of it comes from tucking their legs).
If you compare the tiny horse to a cat, the cat would be much more dangerous, because it has claws, sharp teeth and can reach your face. As long as you wear heavy boots and have a good stomping/kicking technique you should be fine versus duck sized horses.
Do I get tools? If so, the horse sized duck. If not, 100 duck sized horses.
Yeah, but the horse sized duck gets tools too.
Then no
I’d like to see the horse use an rpg
The tool of a horse sized duck would be terrifying.
100 duck sized horses, and it’s not even close.
Bring on the horde of duck-sized horses!
On Lemmy, it’s the celebrities who asks lemmings the dumb questions!
Ignoring venom and poison, the most dangerous animal a human could realistically win against would be a wolf. That doesn’t mean I could win against a wolf, but some humans can and have.
IDK. People have wrestled bears.
There was that one guy that choked a bear to death with the bloody stump of his wrist after the bear bit his hand off, so I’d say that counts as a technical win.
Wait, choked as in strangled or as in shoved his arm down its throat?
The latter 💪
We take those. - Every living creature ever.
I thought that was Roosevelt’s buddy and a mountain lion.
deleted by creator
Don’t threaten us with a good time 😉
(https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/6084564c-3486-42fe-85c7-c7bce387c759.jpeg) Have you seen how big wolves are? Most people can’t take on a pit bull, wolves are literal predators.
We should be talking about the average person being able to win >50% of the time, not the ideal human who wins on an off-chance.
Personally, I’m guessing I’d be somewhere in the range of a medium sized calf
Calf is a good ballpark. I think I could take a whitetail doe but not a buck, and that’s about the same range.
The average human is very far removed from peak human.
It’s easy, you just put your fist out so the wolf bites down on it. Then you simply shove your whole arm down its throat.
deleted by creator
Chimpanzees are on the same level I think. Although I’d rather fight a chimpanzee than a wolf.
You stand absolutely no chance against a chimp in unarmed combat. They’ve literally ripped people’s faces off.
Unprepared people. Chimps aren’t stronger than humans.
Chimps are significantly stronger than humans. https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-40405026
According to that article, about 1.5 times stronger. There’s a lot more deviation than that in the human population. So going by that article, if the type of person who could take on a wolf got lucky enough to be matched with an average chimp, I think they’d have a chance. Especially if they can think of a way to take advantage of the chimp’s poor endurance (also in the article).
“hey Frank, bet I can beat you in a 5k before we fight…”
This is a per muscle size comparison. Chimps are also significantly smaller than humans.
Chimps get up to 5ft tall and can have an 8 foot wingspan.
Pssh, chimps don’t have wings.
Humans get up to 2 m (6,75 feet) tall, of course there are even taller people but this is still a healthy size. Also chimps weigh like 70 kg max while a human can be healthy weigh more than 90 kg. The question is if we get a matched opponent in terms of strength and body weight relative to their own species.
You’re right, I didn’t think about your intense face strengthening regime you will be conducting in preparation for this.
I’d much rather go up against a wolf than a chimpanzee. Chimps are crazy strong, bite, and have hands to grasp and tear with
Plus they’re smart and dextrous enough to use tools!
They also love ripping off people’s genitals, faces etc…
And they have lots of hands.
Chimpanzees get up to five feet tall and have up to an 8 foot wingspan. The average human female is 5’4 “and males average 5’9” with a proportional wingspan. Chimps have a very high amount of fast twitch muscle fibers which are significantly stronger than the slow twitch muscle fibers that make up the majority of human muscles.
Chimps have extremely long arms with way more lean muscle mass. And that muscle mass is 50% stronger than a human’s, making chimps 3-4 times stronger than the average human. It has massive incisors with a bite force of *** 1300 psi (8900 kPa}***. That’s more than a grizzly bear’s 950 psi.
You have a fighting chance against a wolf. You have zero chance unarmed against a full grown chimp. It will literally rip you apart with ease.
Extra scary fact: Chimps try to bite your face off in a fight.
Yes, you’d be without a nose and eyes within seconds. Good luck for the rest of the fight.
You use average for humans and up to for chimps? Also body weight is a far better comparison and a strong and large human can weigh at least 1.5 times more than a chimp so the strength difference isn’t great if at all present.
You’re the person that dies first in a horror movie because you’re too stubborn to listen to actual facts presented to you. Chimps are absolute killing machines. I don’t care if you’re 6 foot 6 and 250 pounds of pure muscle - you will not win a fight against a fully grown chimpanzee. They have two 1+ inch fangs and a bite force of 1300psi. That’s enough to bite clean through most any bone in your body. Male chimps reach about 150 or so pounds, but can get larger.
This is what happens when a chimp attacks a human:
The emergency crew described Nash’s injuries as “horrendous”.[19] Within the following 72 hours, Nash underwent more than seven hours of surgery on her face and hands by four teams of surgeons. The hospital provided counseling to its staff members who initially treated her because of the extraordinary nature of Nash’s wounds.[27] Paramedics noted she had lost 9 fingers, nose, eyes, lips, and mid-face bone structure and received significant brain tissue injuries.[28] Doctors removed chimpanzee hair and teeth that had been implanted into her bones and reattached her jaw…
If there’s a 5% chance you could take a wolf there’s an absolute 0% chance against a chimp. A monkey or ape bigger than 3 feet tall with malice towards me is probably about the dead last thing I’d want to fight in the animal kingdom. Top three for sure.
Have fun getting your face ripped off because you were scared of the big proto-doggie, I guess 🤷
I could probably take my cat in a fight. There would be significant casualties on my side, to be sure, but I believe I could emerge victorious in the end.
My *cat might win against me. But fortunately she did not yet realize it. Or maybe she is too lazy to do it.
Beep Beep CRASH
Do I get to use vehicles?
So do the animals
I’d like to see a horse drive a car.
Checkmate
She really does have dexterous hooves.
Yea, but the horse gets it too.
If that’s an option, might as well allow guns and then humans win every time.
I’m not convinced I could take an octopus armed with guns, and regular hunting dogs kill their owners that way every year
Yeah punch a horse in the face, see how many broken bones you have if you live lol
That being said, the post is accurate, although took me less than an hour to reply
That killed 35 minutes
deleted by creator
I have no idea what “tap the tatami in a whisper” means, but it sounds uncomfortably sexual 😬
Only if you do it right
Are horse legs actually fragile, or does it take a lot of effort to break one?
If fragile, I think people are overcomplicating this. You’ll probably get fucked up in the process, but once the horse is crippled your grim deed is done. If they’re not fragile and you’ll need to seriously wrassle them down to exert enough force, you’re almost certainly dead.
Uh, no. And one kick can kill you
Horses can kick forwards, backwards and sideways. They can rear up to about 12 ft tall and stomp your head.
Plus they weigh about 1200-1600 lbs, although percherons weigh much more.
Does my prep time involve sourcing weapons? I think a sledgehammer would do the trick if I can hide out at the fight zone prior to the horse arriving then sneak attack.
But the horse gets prep time too
But the horse can’t pull a trigger.
Or can it?
TUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!
What is it going to get a sledgehammer too?
You really have spent no time around horses have you?
Or sledgehammers. Or sneak attacks. 😂
Well stay clear and you’ll be fine. Both horses and sledge hammers are sneaky enough as it is.
Are you sure sledge hammers are the things you’re thinking of? The big heavy things used to smash stuff? 😂
Blooming thing snuck up on my back muscles that’s for sure!
Yeah… If I’m honest, the time I’ve spent around horses is 0. I’ve spent a good chunk of time around sledgehammers though if that helps.
Maybe I’ll just kick a pug as hard as I can instead, I reckon I could win that one.
You mean like, fighting a horse by punching it? No that fucker gonna kill you. You might win if you have a spear and you know how to use it. But if it gets to you with it’s hooves you’ve lost.
Now if you can convince the horse you’re a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.
Now if you can convince the horse you’re a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.
Only reason why they don’t kill us on sight after all we’ve put them through: for all their amazing physical prowess, they’re also easily spooked idiots 😂
You can literally put a plastic bag on a stick and shake it at them and they will go wherever you want. Cuz it’s spooky, but not all that spooky. It’s like shaking that thing means you’re the master of the spooky stick.
All a horse has to do is pinch you with it’s teeth, then all your skin can come off.
deleted by creator
Thank you for this enlightening and horrifying imagery. I will keep it in mind the next time I’m near a horse.
You’re most welcome. It always stuck with me because as a child I had a horsey friend whose mother had a massive skin graft on one arm where a horse had tried to remove her jumper. Every time I see one of those vids of a feral stallion just tossing a foal in the air with it’s teeth it reminds me of it :( I love horses too, but yup they are very powerful animals.
I could absolutely take any animal that’s vegan and smaller than a cat. Maybe even a bunny. But a cat would eat my soul.
Bunnies are vicious. They bite and scratch.
Yes, I’ve seen the documentary:
With teeth that go ffffttthh
I was thinking more-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTsEjj5AEp0
And the book was based on extensive research.
This always depends on how willing/aggregated the animal is. I’m fairly certain I could scare away a bear under the right conditions, but obviously not fight it.
People have survived bear attacks but I’m not sure I’d call that “winning”.
Well I’d call that “taking it in a fight”
People with pointy sticks have defeated bears for thousands of years. You’d be hard pressed to find a person in the wild without their pointy stick.
