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I live with my parents (both). I have job.
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I did my share duty: I help pay family electricity/water bill, pay my brothers tution fee.
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Currently, my salary is multiple time my living cost, so I can save more than half of my salary (no pay rent, no marry, no children)
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My mum has a brotehr who is not financial stable. She help him (few time yearly, not one time, but yearly). She is very stress about this situation. => when she ask me and my dad to chip in, we both said nope, then ask her to give up on that money black hole. => really hurt our family relationship, because she refuse to do so.
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That dude (my uncle) have family he has to support. If I chip in with my own salary, his children living standard will increase, they will have better future. It will cost me my spare salary (i will not able save like, 50% of my salary per month)
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But I don’t want to waste money. That money give away is like charity that I can never get back. I don’t want to piggy back few dude on my back for years.
So, how do you think on this case.
This is entirely up to you and your internal set of ethics and obligation.
You didn’t mention if your Uncle is irresponsible or wasteful with money. For myself I think this would be the key to my sense of obligation.
If your Uncle is frugal and very careful with money, but needs more for basic quality of life for your nieces and nephews, then I would think its appropriate and fine to help out to some % of your disposable income, maybe 3% or 5%. Think of it like family based charity.
On the other hand if your Uncle is wasting money extravagantly, then there is no point in helping, because it will be - at best - wasted, and encourages the Uncle to continue wasting as much money as possible to always be in need to maximize the donations.
But this is entirely up to you, if you don’t want to pitch in, you don’t have to! However, it does set the tone for family expectations if you need help in the future.
I don’t even know if there is a country where you are obligated to financially support a parent or even a brother under any circumstance.
If you support a parent or a direct sibling, it is only because you want to do it and, as others have said, should be done only if it’s financially possible for you without sacrificing your wellbeing, decent living condition and future.
My dad left my mom when I was around 6 years old (I’m in my early 30 now), that person is just related with me by “blood” but he never supported me or my mom financially or in any other way. If he came to me now asking for any type of help, I would refuse without question. On the other hand, I owe everything I am to my mother, she sacrificed everything to give me the best path she could by herself. She is now close to retirement and in my country there is no way to live off savings or pension due to very hi inflation, so I will support her from that point forward in every way I can, but this is only because I feel that doing so is a way to be grateful of her taking care of me on her own and I want to give her back now that I’m able to.
I’d say no. You are not your mother’s brother’s keeper. Now, if you want ease your your mind, or try to repair the damaged relationship. Or to give this guy a chance to improve his situation, you could offer to pay off the loan as a one time only, never again, doesn’t matter if they become homeless or will starve to death thing. But don’t give them money to pay it off, you go with them to the loan place and pay it off directly. Then you can say you gave them a chance to turn things around, it’s up to them at that point what they do. We all make mistakes, and sometimes need a hand to get out from under a bad situation. But if we keep putting ourselves into the fire, at some point we deserve the burns.
That one time loan is about my saving in 5 years. Yeah, I can pay once, but only once then I have nothing left.
I am afaid he mess up again, then our problem back from begining.
About the “keeper” thing, I feel that my uncle are parasite my mother. I want her to get out, and forget all the stress about money. But i cannot save her from him.
Yes, then back to my original thought, No. You are not obligated in anyway for the financial support of anyone besides yourself. This may cause anger in others, like your mother for example. But at the end of the day, being angry is her problem, not yours. The choice is simple when broken down to it’s most basic levels. You help, throwing away money that has next to zero chance of ever coming back to you or really fixing the issues. And, your mother won’t be angry with you. Or you don’t, keeping your money and angering your mother. Do you care more about the money, or your mom being angry is the question. In all honesty, depending on your age, might be easier to just move out and get your own place if you have good enough financials to do so, and are of legal age. I wish you luck, I had to tell my drug addict sister no to giving her money I knew she would spend on more drugs. She hasn’t spoke to me since, and that was nearly 25 years ago.
