That encountering quick sand in real life was a real possibility every day.

Bonus: My kid doesn’t believe that Santa is magical, he just has really advanced technology.

If you like malapropisms, you’ll love Martha Plimpton’s character in Raising Hope, Virginia. Procrasturbate and vaginacologist are a couple favorites.

Bonus: her middle name is Slims. Virginia Slims Chance

My older sister hosted a Japanese exchange student when I was in high school. I learned a few words, but he was a regular teenager who barely knew English. We did crush a bucket of chocolate chip cookies in one weekend camping trip.

After he left, I found out his parents forced him into the exchange program so they could get a break. He seemed alright to me.

Fun fact: the Mars bar is marketed as a Milky Way in the U.S. There was a Mars bar in the U.S., but it had almonds. It has since been rebranded as Snickers Almond.

Amanda Lynn, unless you like musical instruments.

The penises were not because of the sewer backup, it’s just what you expected to see everyday. Edited the original post to clarify.

There was one study hall where a penis was drawn on the chalkboard every day. One time, the art showed the ejaculate dribbling a bit. The teacher came in, looked at it, shrugged, said “at least it’s a little more accurate,” erased it, and sat down.

That time the sewer backed up into the kitchen plus all of the penises carved into desks and walls.

Fucking phones, how do they work?

Mostly Lemmy, but still appending reddit to my Google searches. Just started with Bluesky, seems promising.

haHAAA!

He’s bluffing!

It’s been a long time since I’ve been, but I distinctly remember Olive Garden having a chocolate lasagna. It was decent, but nothing to rave about.

If you’re ever a victim of these crimes, make sure to dial 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3.

James Bond is actually a time lord. It explains why he changes how he looks every few movies. This is backed up by the fact that Timothy Dalton played a time lord once in Doctor Who.

We’re living in the strangest timeline.

Spending hours with a bunch of ladies and possibly touching them in intimate locations.

vs

Spending hours with a bunch of guys and possibly touching them in intimate locations. Then showing with them.

Yeah, dance is way gayer.

Suddenly Seymour.

37 times? In a row?

To me, a baby is often a poop butt because of the diaper. Teenagers are often shit asses because they’re rebelling.

I assume they take it to another toilet or a compost pile. Maybe they need a fecal transplant and don’t have health insurance.