The fuck is happening there? Jesus

Right? IMO it’s rude to just call someone out of the blue and expect that they’ll be able to drop everything to chat with you.

Unfortunately, my mom loves to call unannounced, and because my parents are getting older I feel the need to answer in case something’s wrong.

Hey Melania, go fuck yourself, you vile fucking dipshit.

When I was a young idiot, I really thought Clonaid was gonna be a thing. I guess I thought it was plausible because I grew up reading a fuckton of scifi and Dolly the Sheep had been born a couple years prior. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Please don’t put words in my mouth.

Hey Brin, kindly go fuck yourself, you out-of-tpuch ass.

FUCK THIS GUY SO HARD. I swear to god this lunatic needs to be stopped.

Disrespectful to Flounder, to be honest

I love this haha

Welp my super catholic mom squeezes her teabags until not a single drop more comes out. It’s awful. I never squeeze a teabag!

Or as my husband’s Southern-ass grandma called it, the “war of northern agression” 🙄

So cute!!

Nobody’s going to want to be around you if you’re volatile and hurtful. And “I can’t help it” is a thin excuse. These are things you absolutely could control, you just have to try.

You sound young. Get control of yourself and develop some empathy. And while you’re at it, do something about your internalized misogyny. These two passages ought to create some cognitive dissonance for you:

Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy.

I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]

1. Eyesight is getting worse. It’s hard to read in dim light, and driving at night can be rough.
2. Takes my body longer to recuperate from anything that it doesn’t like - injuries, alcohol, upset stomach.
3. Age spots. I thought they were just freckles but my dermatologist says they’re age spots. I’m only 43!

Aging is funny, because there’s always someone who thinks you’re ancient, and there’s always someone who thinks you’re still super young. I was at a bar a couple weeks ago, and these two dudes were complaining about how old they were getting… so I asked, turns out they were the ripe old age of twenty-eight. Which made me laugh a little, because 28 is still pretty young. And when I told them I was 43 they couldn’t believe it. I guess in my twenties I didn’t have an accurate idea of what people in their forties looked like either. Conversely when I made some comment to my parents about being middle-aged, they laughed at me because “you’re in your forties, you’re not middle-aged!”. So it’s all relative. My dad said something that stuck with me: you may feel like you’re getting older, but when you’re my age (he’s 75) you’ll realize how young you still were, and how much energy you had. And that’s helped me be aware that even though there are some aspects of aging that I really hate, there are plenty of good healthy years left.

I didn’t know you could botox that!

Oh man I hear ya in headlights and dashboard lights. NIght driving is getting to be pretty rough for me.

Interesting! My google apps all changed to French, I wonder why yours didn’t.

I’m a native English speaker but my phone and fitbit are in French. I minored in French in college and I’m trying to shake off the rust.

I don’t see shropshire blue?

If I were a man I’d absolutely love to grow facial hair.