be me, Putin

world’s most straight man who has definitely not done something as gay as riding a horse without a shirt

put in anti-LGTBQ+ laws because I want Russia to be the most straight third-world country in the world

life is good

hear phone calling, it’s trump

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pick up phone to hear what nonsense trump has for me this time

he starts going off about some fuckin kid’s show he’s been obsessed with, My Little Pony

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starts getting mad and raging about two lesbian horses in the show

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hang up immediately and ask how many Russians watch this gay horse anime

apparently tons of Russians pirate it from the US, as well as importing tons of toys and jars from other countries

need to stop this somehow

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send police to raid a My Little Pony convention since it’s filthy LGTBQ+ propaganda

Russia is still straight for another day

leave my office to fuck the femboy twink I hired nonstop for the next 24 hours (definitely not gay)