I was sixteen so in a bunch of states that counts as an adult for some situations. We were on a band trip to Disney World to march in the Main Street parade, and we stayed at a very cheap motel that had a very scummy pool. Being an idiot sixteen year old I jumped in.

First mistake.

That night I woke up vomiting, but because my band needed me and I didn’t want to miss a free trip to Disney World I toughed it out. I was queasy but okay by the time we got there, and was okay until everybody had to meet up by the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to go “backstage” to get ready.

I was sitting on the wall there, next to my girlfriend, surrounded by classmates, when I trusted a fart.

Second mistake.

I told the band director and waited until everyone went backstage, and then proceeded to DESTROY a staff toilet while listening to two guys put their makeup on and bitch about the other cast members. Then I went back to the motel for a shower.

I ended up marrying that girl, who is now my ex, and who makes my life miserable every time she can.

Third mistake.