C’mon you kids. You’ve never watched a whole trump speech before?

Oh it’s a fearsome sight. Some never recover. But if you make it through you will become enlightened.

The fascinating parts are where he does make sense. They’re very few and far between, but it’s kind of this uncanny valley where he almost seems sort of normal for a second. And then Whammo, some neuron goes down live and the linguistic section just convulses until the crowd applauds again. It’s like a window to an alien world.

Plus you really can’t appreciate how odd his voice is from the clips. It’s this squealy tenor that sits in the back of his throat and gets scratchy because he can’t stop talking and doesn’t sleep. Imitators just can’t do it.

Then you get those old guy bushy eyebrows and beady, bloodshot eyes darting around looking for money and coke and it’s just - it’s a thing.

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart —you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you’re a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what’s going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what’s going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it’s all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don’t, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.

The whole 4D chess thing was a brilliant cover-up to the fact that he can barely eke out a sentence without drooling on himself.