• Flying Squid@lemmy.worldOPM
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    28 days ago

    Having had a baby, I won’t call that responsible parenting, but I also can’t blame them after the 200th leaky diaper explosion.

    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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      27 days ago

      "Ehhhhh look atchya. Covahad in shite. It’s everywhere! Ow manay diapahs ya gunna run through??? Outta just leave ya fancy and panty free, hangin by ya ankles! I’d hose ya off ovah tha lawn, ya filthy animal!

      …eugh, it’s not ya fault. I’m a terrible father. You don’t deserve this. Look at me! It’s Tueaday at 2pm, and I’m 6 bottles deep! Aye, laddy, those are no lagers! Those’re vodka! 80 proof they are! And here I am can’t even stand up! You must think I’m havin’ a smoke, but I’m doing tha best I can!!! Ya mudder gone run off into the staircase in the sky! She was an angel that one. Pity you’ll nevah meet’er. An now what? I’m left ere with a baby! Oh, come ere, quit yer crying. I’ll be sober in the mornin love, and then I’ll try to get my shite together…and get YOUR shite together!!! Did ya seriously shite again??? Where’s it commin from, lad??? Ya got a factory inside ya??? GodI hope ya aren’t sick…you aren’t, are ya? Cause lord knows I can’t afford one more god damned bill…"