Sorry this isn’t really a question
She doesn’t listen when i tell her how i want to be treated. I don’t owe her an explanation about why it hurts. It should be enough to say “this hurts me”. She never, ever changes her behavior no matter what i say. It’s always my fault when i get hurt.
My mom is the same way. I’ve actually spelled it out for her multiple times with multiple examples.
“When you do this, it affects these people in this way.”
And all I got was “Why are you so mean to me? It’s not MY fault they took it personally!”
I haven’t cut her out completely, but I don’t reach out to her unless I ABSOLUTELY have to.
I feel for you. It took me 40 years to learn how toxic she is, and it’s not easy to watch someone who you thought was there for you become the biggest villain in your life.