Don’t worry about feeling angry. That is a normal emotion when things happen out of your control that you would like to be able to change. It is the emotion that tries to give you an extra impulse to move from a state of inaction or fear to a state of action to change it or prevent it in the future. Normal emotion. But just not always helpful if the thing you want to change is still outside your control.
Just do not let that anger turn via blame into hatred. That can happen if it is hard to change the things you would like to change, and the anger starts getting directed at the things or people that you feel as “doing nothing to help”, “doing the opposite of helping” or even “the cause of this problem” and stays there. Again, it is normal to feel anger or blame here. That can help to find ways to change something, but from there it can slide into seeing those things or people as “enemies”, the root cause of everything you would like to be able to change, the opposers and blockers and the evil that wants to keep your thing from ever to change. That is where hatred lies. Anger that cannot be resolved unless something or someone else changes.
You can also use that anger and blame to find constructive ways to make the change. As other people mentioned: grieve together. Find out that they are as helpless as you to change what is past. That they are as afraid as you of things outside your control. That they also feel the pain of loss, and would also like to prevent this from happening again. Bring food, talk, listen. Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and trust that they won’t have to keep fighting or be forgotten if their needs aren’t met, but be able to find support and care in the people around them. By sharing and showing these kindnesses, you can build or strengthen these bonds of trust in the community.
Anger is a call to action, and blame can be a way to find the places where those bridges of support may have weakened, where those mutual and basic needs are likely to be unmet. The action can be to rebuild them.
Don’t worry about feeling angry. That is a normal emotion when things happen out of your control that you would like to be able to change. It is the emotion that tries to give you an extra impulse to move from a state of inaction or fear to a state of action to change it or prevent it in the future. Normal emotion. But just not always helpful if the thing you want to change is still outside your control.
Just do not let that anger turn via blame into hatred. That can happen if it is hard to change the things you would like to change, and the anger starts getting directed at the things or people that you feel as “doing nothing to help”, “doing the opposite of helping” or even “the cause of this problem” and stays there. Again, it is normal to feel anger or blame here. That can help to find ways to change something, but from there it can slide into seeing those things or people as “enemies”, the root cause of everything you would like to be able to change, the opposers and blockers and the evil that wants to keep your thing from ever to change. That is where hatred lies. Anger that cannot be resolved unless something or someone else changes.
You can also use that anger and blame to find constructive ways to make the change. As other people mentioned: grieve together. Find out that they are as helpless as you to change what is past. That they are as afraid as you of things outside your control. That they also feel the pain of loss, and would also like to prevent this from happening again. Bring food, talk, listen. Everyone wants to feel seen, heard, and trust that they won’t have to keep fighting or be forgotten if their needs aren’t met, but be able to find support and care in the people around them. By sharing and showing these kindnesses, you can build or strengthen these bonds of trust in the community.
Anger is a call to action, and blame can be a way to find the places where those bridges of support may have weakened, where those mutual and basic needs are likely to be unmet. The action can be to rebuild them.
This is such a good comment, thanks