“Being bad at stuff” is also so selective. The other kids are not expected to be two years ahead in math, but I am expected to be able to sit perfectly still for 4 hours and pay attention in an oxygen depleted room. Everybody has to have this nearly exact same skillset.
It’s not what society needs, not even what the industry needs in the workforce, but that is most convenient for the teachers.
I get 0 done without lists. People laugh about my lists, because every tiny detail has to be on it. So let’s say I’m in the situation you described, and it’s 10:30 am. What I’d tell myself is: There isn’t even a list, so let’s make a list, and if it’s the last thing I’ll do before lunch.
The list is quite often as detailed as:
Then, even in my worst state, I can tell myself: You can check off just the next item. That’s not overwhelming, that’s not too much.
When I’m in my own messy kitchen, I can’t find a starting point. I feel like I’d have to be this big octopus creature that stands in the middle and does a thing with each tentacle simultaneously: Threw this into the garbage, put that into its place, start a heap of things that need to go into different rooms, clean neglected things such as the area behind the sink, clean the floor and main surfaces (but there is too much stuff on it even if I had the 10 tentacles), do dishes, put clean dishes away, throw out expired food from every shelf and the fridge, complex sequences such as bagging the garbage -> put new garbage bag in …
Yes, weird with the teacher relationships. A kid from my class, strong on the hyperactive side, was really hated by some teachers. One threatened to beat him up in front of the whole class, another (of the super nice relaxed ones) just threw him out with a book to study on his own in the hallway. I suspect that he never did a single line of homework or studying at home, but his test grades were too good to let him fail.
I don’t have hyperactivity. The best teacher I had really hated me, because he was all about punctuality, reliability, discipline - totally not my approach to math. His teaching was great, I didn’t forget a single lecture to this day, and it allowed me to get all the math course certificates for a STEM field later, although I never finished the degree. A few STEM teaches though realised that my obsession with electronics and programming was really getting somewhere and tried to motivate me to put in the time in related fields, but I never put any work in, and only for computer science was that enough to still ace it.
My own son is even stronger in the extremes. He is barely old enough for his grade, but already has to take math in the grade above. Can’t skip, because his reading & writing is just on par (although in two languages). But he is extremely disruptive. His teachers seem like they understand that he puts in the same mental effort to focus and sit still, just with worse results than the average. And they support my suspicion that he has ADHD and should get tested. Well, will probably take 4 - 6 months to get an appointment, and another 4 - 6 months until there is a diagnosis.
Amazing about the comments is that while a majority seems to “deliver” when the pressure is on, they split 50/50 on whether they feel great during it or suffer greatly, no middle ground.
I’m definitely in the 2nd group. I can get it done if the alternative has horrifying consequences, but it’s not a good feeling.
Maybe two things are mixed up, though. One is like a thing where not doing it is horrible, such as vet appointment for the pet, crucial last deadline at work, kid’s birthday party. The other is like working in a high stress environment, like a project where everything is on fire and under pressure, it’s not about our condition, or an emergency situation like a sinking ship.
I, personally, suffer greatly in the former, but less than the average person in the latter.
I noticed that I can be a bad friend, at times. Need to unload for hours, too impatient to listen, and when I do it out of politeness, I won’t pay attention.
With some friends, I suspect that they just have the pity to be like ChatGPT, like “That’s so relatable!”, “Wow, that IS an interesting day you had there!”, “So funny! Glad I missed South Park to listen to your much funnier ramblings!”
At times, I had a like-minded friend, and we would just take turns talking for roughly the same duration, like an unspoken agreement.
It’s actually the normies who can’t even do laundry without a little neurotransmitter bottle from mommy frontal cortex. We fight demons every day.
When that happens, I do manage to finish the sentence by appending grammatically correct tokens, like an LLM, though
The method-method: Keep reading about, applying and stacking methods, finding out which ones work for you.
Be meticulous about them, e. g.:
Tbh, with all that, I still do only a fraction of what I should. But at least something gets done. Becoming just 70 % ineffective, like you, is my current goal :-) But maybe it helps you progress from where you are anyway.
Thanks, noted! Currently helping myself with Modafinil with pretty good results, but too many side effects. Doc seems to be very fixated on Methylphenidate, so we’ll see if they are even open to trying something else. In standardised tests, I maxed out the ADD scale, but missed criteria for hyperactivity by a little, if I understood correctly. Same with childhood ADD; they said they can’t tell for sure when it started after so much time has passed.
Problem is that the approach “MUST do NOW, until it is DONE!” doesn’t work for many of us. I developed methods for myself, which I try to apply to my own child now, like: “When you get home from school, lay out everything you need to work, then relax. At time X, do 15 minutes on a timer, as far as you get.”
He still moans and groans about it, and it’s hard for me to tell if my “soft push” feels to him like the “hard push” I got. It’s all relative, and nobody else can tell.
Exact same story down to every detail. Both parents teachers, but no clue. The weirdest conclusions and theories about me. Like: Far below average intelligence, but with a talent for languages and mathematics (is that even a thing?), which got me through school with effortless Cs. Most of the time I (and probably others) thought I was just a general shithead.
I realised what it was 4 years ago and told a psychiatrist, who did not disagree, but was like: woa, hold your horses. Got a referral to a full neurological & psychiatric check-up from my GP, who wrote on the referral that he suspects ADD without hyperactivity, 1 1/2 years ago. Couldn’t use it, because they are overrun by more urgent cases.
Started paying out of pocked to a private clinic 6 months ago and got the official, written diagnosis 1 month ago (exactly what my GP already suspected). Since then, lots of delays to get treatment. No appointments, then appointment available, but latest bloodwork and ECG expired etc. Had one appointment last week cancelled 2 hours before start.
Honestly, with a medical system so overrun, a GP should just be authorised to do the diagnostic if supported by purely computer evaluated multiple choice test. The standardized tests appear to be the foundation anyway, and the many hours of additional psychiatric evaluation are just something that the medical system can’t support.
And yes, now my child. He is a true math genius who could do 2 or 3 classes above his own, but he hates books (only since school, not before!) and his reading & writing is just a hateful, effortless B. In two languages equally well, though. I suspect something is up there, but don’t want to project. I never had problems understanding math, but was certainly not ahead of the class. Loved books though, perfect spelling.
Let’s hope things work out for us and our children!
Absolutely, I could still have done what @Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone said in time, but I made this meme instead.
Store-bought packed cake it is, then. Some cake decoration & food pens.
Also annoying though are people who think they “get it”, stop listening and be interruptive after a few words, and totally miss the crucial part that comes later.
Other neurodivergent people are hard to hang out with, except for sharing our grievances in memes :-)
I made it work. When I’m called out, I go like: “Actually, there is a crucial aspect about point X (10 minutes ago) that we just skipped: …” and it makes me seem thoughtful and thorough.
Oh yes. Quite enabling that where I live, the last opportunity is basically Thursday 4 pm, next opportunity Monday morning, but then the line is usually busy.
I don’t have that, I can remember a few things back to age 3/4. But an ex has this, starting most memories around age 10 - 12, and I’m just surprised how that doesn’t spark a thorough medical investigation. Just nobody cares.
I don’t dream about fancy vacations and places far away. There is just this 6 hour bike tour starting and finishing at my very home that I thought of, connecting my favourite tour with my favourite hike in a circle. That’s my dream vacation.
Yet another summer ends without it.
SO many math tests where I gave 100 % correct answers but only made the first 60 %. I didn’t even know this was related. Maybe the teachers should have investigated this further. Because it’s odd, isn’t it? If I were just bad at math, I’d either make many mistakes, or cherry-pick parts of the tests that I can do. But not do the first 60 % and then stop due to time running out. They should also have gotten the hint when they could always ask me something in class and I would know.
This went on at university (which I never finished) and certifications (still passed, because they typically have passing scores of 50 - 70 %).
It can take time to find the right dose.
I even started with 5 mg only, and it felt great. Crashed after just 3 - 4 hours, and within the first week figured that 12 mg is right for now.
The individual differences can be enormous.
This guide to understand dosage finding is pretty good, but doctor’s orders first: https://www.adxs.org/en/page/232/dosing-of-medication-for-adhd