• WIFE: LEFT
  • HOG: CRANKED
  • PANTS: SHIDDED
  • WIPE: NEVER
  • Alteon@lemmy.world
    371·
    7 months ago

    Real men don’t wipe. Real men leave that brown shit of superiority staining their ass and underwear. It’s a display of dominance. Show that washing machine whose boss. Let your wife and girlfriend see the proud steak of freedom, a signature of your manliness written upon the very fabric of the garments you wear closest to your body.

    Watch men of weaker constitution and lower stature run away from you, and give you the space and respectful deference that you deserve. You are a king, and kings don’t worry about such literal shit.

    Let it eventually mark your truck seat as warning to weaker men what sort of beast occupies that vehicle and you will never again have to worry about criminal scum trying to take your vehicle for fear of your retribution, for they bore witness to the throne upon which a real man resides.

    • Aggravationstation@feddit.uk
      41·
      7 months ago

      There are genuinely men on the internet who think wiping yourself after shitting is gay, because men shouldn’t do anything with a man’s arsehole, even their own.

      • Ignotum@lemmy.world
        8·
        7 months ago

        Reminds me of a guy that didn’t know the name of colors because he “wasn’t gay”

        I guess he was so aggressively straight that he developed monochromatism

        • Aggravationstation@feddit.uk
          5·
          7 months ago

          “Aggressively straight” reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite TV shows Bottom.

          When someone gets accused of being gay their response is “That’s impossible. As a Christian, I’m so tightly clenched…”