It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.
Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.
Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.
Jehovah’s Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.
Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.
Jehovah’s Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that’s a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.
Damn. Everyone else to hell?
Nah. One of the very few things to the JW’s credit, they don’t believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.
Only the dogs go to heaven.
Good news if you’re short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.
If heaven is full of Christians I’m choosing hell
As I always said, considering the requirements, heaven must be the most boring place to end up.
Good Omens had it right, they have all the musicians.
I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.
“Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven.” reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.
And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.
Telling or yelling?
Because yelling just makes you look bad.
Sorta both. It really pissed me off. Going up to my six year old and telling her if she is bad she will be thrown into fire. Sick deranged fucks in the world.
I’m on board with you man. Real or not, they threatened your kid. It is justified.
Thanks at least someone is. I do play nice with other parents. My eldest daughter had a playdate with a friend of hers that happens to be Muslim, so I ordered out from a hallal restaurant.
Don’t tell my kid about your lying bullshit and I won’t tell your kid that they aren’t going to see grandma in heaven.
If it has just been something boring like “Jesus lies you” I would have let it go.
Tall people? Believe it or not, hell
Average height? Straight to hell.
Thought I got it working, oh well its just the guy from parks and rec who says “straight to jail”
Tapping doesn’t do it for me
So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?
The full list.
If you’re going anyway you don’t want to miss out on any of the fun.
You go to the special hell. The one reserved for child molestors and people who talk at the theatre.
“You must be this tall to enter heaven.” Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.
i got a scar tattooed over in 2021 and have several more scars i’d like to do the same with, i’m currently sitting here drinking and being under 6’, and also i don’t believe in heaven so i’m super fucked. who’s with me
Funny how we can’t go to heaven for all these “sins” and yet the Bible stars that Jesus died for all out sins before they happen.
Once again the Bible is proven as a joke. I hate how they believe the fairy tales in the book, but they won’t believe what is right in front of there eyes. Friggin bigots.
I pity them. The ones that actually believe that is.
If they could park their faith for just one minute and think clearly, they’d realise what’s up.
Their leaders that actually take their Lord’s name in vain? Predators. Grifters. Charlatans.
Don’t forget the pedophiles that work in the Catholic Church as priest they take a vow of celibacy so they think they can groom and rape the little boys.
And yet they think their going to heaven as they preach. Sick perverts. Like they said on that one episode of the Simpsons. God pointed out to homer that the clergy members aren’t allowed in heaven.
Jesus wept.
I’d actually forgotten about that for a blissful minute while writing that.
So says the church of Google.
🙏
Tall untattooed vegetarian teetotalers won’t go to heaven either.
Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.
Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?
At this point, it sounds like heaven will only be full of boring prudes. Hell is where the party is at.
Death metal and rains of blood I can get behind. Checkers and prayer, not so much.
