Yeah I’m in a similar boat. Also quit drugs and alcohol, which were probably an even bigger downer.

But when I get down, I do think like well at least I don’t feel like trash in my body in top of everything. I don’t know where you’re at, but I hope you realise what a joy it is to just walk around without pain.

As for the external realities, I’m sorry to solutionize at you, but have you tried doing something positive in your community? It won’t solve our big problems, but might give you a little hope of resilience at the local level.

Total aside: you might also want to get your blood tested.